Mommas Be Knowing

Girls have a special relationship with their mothers. In essence, you are just a smaller version of your mother. While growing up, there may have even been a time where you thought your mom did not understand what you were going through, whether it be with school pressures, boys or love. Especially in the 21^st century; in the age of social media, sub-tweets, and relationship statuses, I believed the game was not the same. But was not until recently, ie the past couple of years, that I realized that MOMMAS BE KNOWING. All the things my mom used to tell me (and still does) about men, love, and life are soooo true. And this is a sentiment shared by many of my friends. I cannot tell you how many times I have had a conversation that went something like this:

 

Girlfriend/Soror So and So: “Girl let me tell you *insert description of event*

 

Me: “Yaaaasss. My mom always says *insert words of wisdom*

 

Girlfriend/Soror: “My mom says THE SAME THING”

 

It never fails. All our mommas have shared the same advice in one way or another throughout our lives. And as much as it may pain us to say it…they are usually always right, especially when it comes to love and dating. So I wanted to share with you a few “Mommas be Knowing” gems.

 

1. “Don’t date a guy who likes himself too much”– We have all met this guy. The one who thinks he is God’s gift. Yea you know him. Leave him alone.
2. “A guy needs to like you more than you like him” – The inference here is that if a guy likes you more than you like him, the relationship will be balanced because women tend to love “harder” than men. So if we don’t like a guy as much as they like us, everything will even out. For example, it has been said to me by a good guy friend “When I felt she didn’t really like me that much, I was on it. But as soon as she really started liking me, I wasn’t as interested”. There you have it. The old “guys love the chase theory”. Keep em on the chase.
3. “You need to be the more attractive one in the relationship”- A spin off #2. The theory is that if you are the more attractive one in the relationship, the guy will be so happy and lucky to have caught you that he will treat you better, than that guy referenced in #1.
4. “Marriage is hard”- I am not married but this is what I have heard…and you know mommas be knowing .

 

Let me know what your momma be knowing. Help educate the masses.

NAME CHANGE

As you can see I have made a drastic name change to my blog and some of you may be thinking “WTF?”. Others may be like “pshh who cares?”. But anyway, over the past few months I have been contemplating a name change for the blog for a variety of reasons.And because I love lists, I will list them for you 🙂

1. I want my blog to focus more on me and my experiences as a young woman, who is growing and learning.
2. I do not want my life and as an extension,my blog, to revolve around lupus and the law. Yes I am an attorney and yes I love the law. But I love a lot more things than that. Yes I have lupus and yes it is a big part of my life, but it does not define who I am. It does not rule my life.
3. I love art, reading, fashion, beauty, hair, traveling, eating, discovering, politics, social justice, laughing, award shows, concerts, music….the list goes on and on. And I want my blog to be a space where  I can share all the things I love and discover with you. Of course I will still talk about my journey with lupus and law but I want to share my other interests with you as well.

So there you go. I wanted to come up with a cool and witty name and enlisted the help of my most creative friends (because I cannot make up names to save my life). After a few ideas were bounced around and I had time to digest them, I finally decided to use my first and middle name. Not that the previous ideas were not cool and witty, I just believe that because I wanted the blog to focus on more than just lupus I wanted a name that defines who I am. And what better way than to use my government name. Plus I think it is a cool name (thanks mom).

So I hope you will stick around and continue on this journey with me. Stay tuned for more.

So why are you single?

This question has to be the most annoying, side-eye worthy question anyone can ask a single woman. Its the equivalent of asking “so what the hell is wrong with you?”. How can this beautiful, intelligent, down to earth woman, with everything going for her be single? Something must be wrong with her….

Most of my friends and I get asked this question quite frequently (mostly by men). After the initial affront wears off, we usually give the PC answer, to mitigate any doubt that we are somehow damaged goods. We are single because we haven’t found the right guy (partially true), we have been focusing on our career/schooling (also partially true).

But the brutally honest answer is….WE DON’T EFFING KNOW WHY WE ARE SINGLE. Like, do you really think that if we knew the real the reason why we were single, that we would still be single?? My friends and I are the SHIT, like the pure unfiltered shit…we are just as baffled by the fact that we are single as anyone else. If we knew the problem, you best believe we would fix it so that we would no longer be single. Just common sense. Maybe I should petition all old bf, boos, and flames and ask them whats wrong with me so I can have a better answer next time someone asks me this question.

But in the mean time…take this as a PSA. Please retire this question from all possible inquires into the single-ness of any single woman. Thanks in advance!

 

 

Journey to Yogi-dom

via @sami.nandi on Instagram

My Lupus doctor has stressed since my diagnosis that exercise is key in the treatment of lupus. Now grant it, I have always been one to exercise, especially after steroids, but I have really made an effort after my diagnosis to make exercise a priority.

Over the past few months, I have really gotten into yoga. In the past, I never really got the appeal of it. I used to think it was so easy, like “all it is is stretching, whats so hard about that”. But once I really started concentrating on what I was doing and putting effort into the poses, instead of just flopping around, I realized…this shit is hard. And I realized I really enjoy the challenge that yoga offers. Focusing on the breath, clearing the mind (which is often difficult for me), pushing yourself to try new things.

I started out by “testing” out a few yoga classes during the summer time at Columbus Commons. Every summer, United Healthcare offers free fitness classes at the commons and I decided to try out one of the yoga classes….and it was great! I felt challenged  (my arms were on fire in those downward dogs) and I really worked up a sweat (which is important to me…because sweat=burning calories). By participating in the yoga classes at the commons, I received a pass for discounted classes at V Power Yoga, so I decided to check them out. Let me tell you, I have NEVER sweated as much as I did during V Power classes. Like literally, drenched in sweat. I loved it. After this, I went on to try yoga classes at Seven Studios in Downtown Columbus (their classes are AMAZEBALLS, esp the barre classes) and L Flow Yoga in Gahanna. I must say, visiting these different studios really inspired me to keep pursuing this yoga thing. The instructors were amazing and really inspired you to be the best you can be. I loved it. Don’t get me wrong, there were moments in the middle of a class, especially after skipping a few days, where I thought “OMG, that chaturanga was rough, my arms hurt and I’m sweating like a slave..this is what happens when you skip yoga for 4-5 days?”. But I just kept pushing through and afterwards I felt really good and proud that I was able to finish strong. With each class I was able to see some improvement, however slight. My balance improved, lunges got deeper, legs and arms got stronger and I felt all around better.

So in the new year, I am really going to take my yoga practice to a new level. My goal is to put more time and effort into my practice and into being more consistent and diligent with my diet. Im excited about this journey that the improvements and changes that will occur…in my mind, body and spirit. Wish me luck!

via @sami.nandi on Instagram

 

The trouble with love for Millenials.

The other day, I saw this repost on IG from @theroundtableconvo. The caption read “who’s right and who’s wrong? Are ladies asking too much or are guys just lazy?”. Now I have to admit that the convo between John and Jane Doe made me laugh a little but it points to another issue..dating is hard for Millenials. For those of you who are unsure of what constitutes a Millinial…if you were born between 1980ish and 2000ish, you are in fact a Millinial.

At first glance, I thought “his lazy ass. Meeting for coffee is not a date…it’s meeting for coffee.” So I was all on her side. Now, grant it, her last response was unnecessary. But I felt that he opened the door for that response when he mentioned not wanting to plan “an extravagant date”. No one asked for an extravagant anything…just a date. I’m team her!

After seeing the post, I proceeded to screenshot it and circulate it to my woes. (I just wanted to use woes in a sentance. Mission accomplished). I really wanted to hear what they had to say.

A few said that Jane Doe was “a crazy bish” and that he essentially dodged a bullet. This pretty much mirrored the comments on the post. She was a gold, diggin heffa who should have been glad he asked her desperate ass out. (Cold blooded right?).

Others thought homeboy needed to step up to the plate and take the girl out on a proper date (my sentiments exactly). Now according to Google, a date is “a social of romantic appointment or engagement”. Now one problem I see is that everyone has their own definition of what a date is. Like I said  before “meeting for coffee” is just that …meeting for coffee. But for others if may be considered a date. It’s a difference in interpretation. 

After much thought, I came to the conclusion that this post is a reflection about what’s wrong with Millineals and dating. Now don’t get me wrong, we Millineals are good at many things….but dating is not one of them. And here are my reasons why…

 

Social media: It is kryptonite to the modern relationship. I know most of us have seen a repost of Michelle and Barak or Jay and Bae or any beautiful display of black love, in a candid and loving embrace and the caption “relationship goals”. You look at the post and cry on the inside because this picture is everything you want in a relationship. The epitome of a “power couple”. Now everyone you meet, you day dream of attending seminars together at the Congressional Black Caucus or strolling hand in hand down the Brooklyn streets during Afro-Punk. You know shit power couples do. But you soon realize that homeboy is no Barack or Jay and social media just sold you another dream.

Dating websites ie. Match.com, eHarmony, etc: They have changed the game for dating. Now all you have to do is sign up, put up some pictures of yourself, and describe yourself in the most positive light (often embellishing how awesome you are).  With those simple steps you probably will get quite a few people trying to holla. Now I don’t see anything wrong with using dating sites. Numerous people have found love through these sites. But it has created even more issues for Millenials when it comes to dating. Par example, it has fueled the non committle nature of Millenials. The “lets maybe meet up if we have time” rather than setting up real dates. I mean who has the time to go out on real dates with each of the 6 people you have been messaging? Millenials already have issues with commitment, and dating sites make it worse. 

Diva dudes: see here. It’s an epidemic I swear. I know almost every woman has met one of these. Thank you VSB for putting a title to these guys.

Career aspirations: You decided to attend grad/law/med school right after college. You get your dream job after that and really want to focus on your career. Ain’t no body got time for a relationship because you are putting all your time in effort in advancing your career. Next thing you know you are 40 and single with zero prospects* and the only guy still single is DaQuan with the cornrows, who has been trying to holla since 2001. Such a sad sad state of discourse.

“Cuffing season”: For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, cuffing season can be defined loosely as “the period between fall and winter when singles strive to be cuffed or involved in a serious relationship”. Usually when cuffing season is over, so is the relationship. Again, old faithful VSB summed it up pretty well here.

These are just a few of my observations. I can’t even lie. When I see a pic of Michelle and Barack my heart and ovaries flutter. The love is just so beautiful and I can’t help but to want that as my relationship goal. But as of now, I just want to date someone consistently for 3 months, who doesn’t end up being a crazy insecure ass hole. Is that so much to ask?

*no offense if you are 40 and single 

EVERYONE MUST SEE THIS FILM…I MEAN EVERYONE!

A few weeks ago I attended the Directors Dialogue on Art and Social Change at the Wexer Center for the Arts at OSU  The event featured the premiere screening of Cincinnati Goddamn, directed by April Martin and Paul Hill. I had been anticipating seeing the film for about a week since hearing about the event and seeing the film’s trailer. And I must say I was not disappointed.

The film documents the civil unrest in Cincinnati, Ohio that followed the deaths of 15 African American men by Cincinnati police from 1995-2001. The film was so beautifully done. It brought out all the emotions. I was emo central. Anger, disbelief, sadness, inspiration, just to name a few.

With the continued killing of black men at the hands of police across the United States, the issues touched on in the film are still real and present in today’s society. Since the screening also had a discussion component after, I was able to hear from the directors (April Martin and Paul Hill) as well as two other inspiring women, Iris Roley and Dr. Rhonda Y. Williams. Iris Roley is a community activist who helped design and monitor the Cincinnati Collaborative Agreement and Dr. Rhonda Y. Williams is the founder and director of the Social Justice Institute at Case Western Reserve University. It was truly inspiring to listen to them speak about their experiences and what changes they seek to make in the community.  Like the title says, it is imperative that everyone sees this film. Check out the official documentary website here and request a screening.

Serenity

This past week my patience and self-esteem was tested big time. And it all started from an IG post from someone I don’t really know for real. I was looking at pictures from a local boutique owner and she was on a buying trip in NYC. It looked sooo fabulous. I started thinking “man that would be sooo great to be in NYC buying cool and hip clothes for a small boutique. My small boutique”. In crept self doubt and regret. I began to think “why am I sitting at this desk doing something I don’t even like for real? Did I go to law school to sit at a desk? Why did I even go to law school? I’m too old to change careers. Why did I spend all that time and money on law school if I’m not going to practice?” This caused me to second guess all my “career” decisions that I have ever made. And then the tears came. 

Later that evening, after discussing it with my mom I calmed down and began to really think about what I wanted. Honestly there are two maybe three things that I am passionate about…social jusice/policy, fashion/retail and writing. They are kind of polar opposites I know (besides the writing). But I think it all comes down to patience and self awareness. Being patient and know that God has a plan. Being self-aware of what I’m passionate about and what I want to do with my life. I’m still working on these. Everything will work out eventually, just how it is supposed to. In the mean time I can’t let myself focus on what is not, but what is. Just like the serenity prayer “Dear Lord, please grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”. This small prayer reminds me that I can only do what I can moving forward and you can’t change the past. God is in control and His timing is perfect. 

It’s been a long time…shouldn’t have left you…without a dope beat to step too.

Hey all! The title speaks for itself right? It’s been a long time. All I can say is that my attention has been elsewhere, trying to get my life where I want it. Needless to say I’m still working on that part. And I’ve been thinking that one of the main reasons for this blog is to chronicle my life, as I try to navigate through. I gots to do better. So here I am. I’m not going to bore you with all the mundane aspects of what has been poppin with me the last 8 months. I’m going to with now and move forward.

  

New Baby-Stopper=New Skin Regimen

As a modern 28 year old woman, I am no stranger to the baby stopper i.e. birth control and I “recently” went back to an IUD (recently as in March of 2014 lol). I had one for about 2 years before I got diagnosed with lupus and it was taken out during my stint in the hospital and I was void of birth control for a while after that. After about a month or two on my new baby stopper, my face started going cray cray. Like literally, I had big ol’ ugly zits every where. My mother may say that I am exaggerating but that’s how I felt. Like, ahhhhh. I felt like I was a teenager going through puberty again.

Prior to this event, I was using Kate Somerville Purifying cleanser. I was in love with this stuff for so long because it kept my acne at bay and it didn’t dry out my skin. After my skin started going coo coo, I had to find something new. I started using Mario Badescu products. I bought the Acne Cleanser, Special Cucumber Lotion (Astringent), Drying Paste and. I had never needed so many products but I thought that the complete kit would really help my skin. The products worked ok but didn’t really clear up my skin. I had these fine bumps on my chin area. The bumps didn’t get any bigger but didn’t go away either. It was like my skin was in limbo. And when Aunt Flo came to town…LAWD my face would go cray for like 2 weeks. A big monster bump popping up every day. It never stopped.

So about a month ago, I switched again and this time I hit the jackpot. I purchased Murad Acne Clearing Wash and the Acne Clearing Solution. I must tell you, I love love love this stuff. My skin is so clear that I can go without make up with no problem. Those fine bumps have disappeared and haven’t returned. And when Aunt Flo was in town..I only saw 2 very small bumps. That is it! For now, I will be sticking with Murad products. Let me know what products you love and that have helped any skin problems you have had? Have those problems been related to lupus? Until next time!

Walk to End Lupus Now! Columbus 2014

I am über super duper late but here are the photos from the Walk to End Lupus Now! Columbus. The walk was held this past June and it was a great turn out. The walk was held at COSI in downtown Columbus and we walked around the Scioto Mile twice (5K). I look forward to next year and I know the walk is going to continue to grow. See you at next years walk.

PS: Im thinking now of a new team name and we are definitely getting shirts

PPS: Walk to End Lupus Now! Cleveland/Akron is September 20,2014. Get out there and support!